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chapter 9
Ray's POV:

At about 1 am Mikey started batting at thin air and scratching at his arms he was shaking violently and wimpering like a lost dog. I couldn't tell wether it was from pain or from fright but tears were rolling down his cheeks and it as so sad to watch. I nudged Frank who had fallen asleep on my shoulder "Frank theres something up with Mikey i think he's having a nightmare what should i do " but before frank had time to answer Mikey let out a piercing scream his eye's shot open and he ran from his bunk and into the bathroom where i heard him throwing up again. He must not have noticed me or Frank sitting there as he had not locked the door to the bathroom. I carefully pushed open the door to reveal a pitiful sight of Mikey tired pale and frightened sitting on the floor it brought tears to my eyes i wasn't even sure if he was awake, i picked him up and carried him to his bunk he must have a fever as he was burning up and sweat was beading on his brow. Frank fetched a wet towel and placed it on his head he was clearly so stressed by all the events and more that it had weakend his imune system causing him to suffer more. I felt so sorry for him he was so young and kind being tortured by his own mind. I heard a weak voice speak out one that sounded nothing like the normal voice of its owner "Ray i don't feel so good i don't like it make it stop make it go away my stomach hurts" "shh shh baby its a fever you need to rest, just lie still and try to sleep i'll be right here just call if you need anything" and with that my sweet angel lay back down but he still could not find sleep he lay staring at the ceiling but his eyes told me his mind was consentrating on something that was bothering him " Mikey baby whats the matter why do you keep throwing up why do you keep hurting yourself you can talk to me i won't tell anyone else if you do not wish me to" i told him Frank then took his cue to go to bed and let us talk. Mikey waited till he was sure Frank was asleep before speaking " Ray im scared i don't know why i just feel scared that you will all soon realise that im not as cool as the rest of you that im not as talented and that im just a usless good for nothing freak" he cried "Why would i think that of you Mikey you are talented you are cool and you are so special thats why i love you" "but im not see theres you who is the greatest guitarist of all time then theres Frank who is also an amazing guitarist and as more energy then anyone i have ever known theres Bob who plays the drums like animal from the muppet's and then theres Gerard he's my big bro he has the voice of an angel he can draw and paint he has his own comic and cartoon for gods sake and then look at me all i can do is play bass which i ownly learned to play cause Gerard asked me to join the band im not normal i can't even be normal when im being myself i meen what sort of guy wears girls clothes" i sighed so this was why he was upset cause he kept compairing himself to his brother and friends "Mikes you don't have to be like everyone else don't you remeber one of the messages this band gives out be yourself and never let them take you alive i like you for you your so special you can write amazing songs you have amazing fashion sense and if you feel diffrent because of you wear girls clothes how come i liked you before you told us and that i love you even more for coming out and telling us you really need to open up more Mikey do you know how worried Gerard is he's scared of loosing you your his little brother "
"im sorry Ray im just being selfish i love you " "i love you to my sweet sweet angel" "sorry to ruin the moment Ray but i feel sick and dizzy again i don't like it make it stop" i smiled at him climbed into his bunk rapped my arm around is tiny body and and there we lay till the sun started to rise.

next day

Bob's POV:

I was the first one awake to day for once i looked out of my bunk to see Ray curled around Mikey who looked awfully, pale Frank who had fallen half out of his bunk and Gerard who was laying awake staring at the ceiling " morning Gee how are you feeling you didn't look so good when i put you to bed last night " i told him and laughed when he jumped as he must have been off in his imagination "oh hey Bob im good i guess just worried about Mikey" " well he seems ok for now Gee Ray is looking after him " i told him as he looked over to see his brother who even though looked ill had a contented smile on his face as Ray held him close " yes i know i just wish he'd talk to me more " he smiled sadly " look cheer up Gee its a new day if ya get up i'll make you a coffee " we both climbed out of bed and walked into the living/kitchen area. Gerard sat down at the table as i made us both coffee i then sat across from him " so what are you planning on doing today then" i asked him " well i was gunna try and talk to Mikey and see what was bothering him then i was just going to relax listen to a bit og music what about you " i sighed realising it was about time i spoke to my mum " umm i was planning on calling home and yh know i think it was about time i told her i was gay i just don't know how she will react to it" i told him "Bob do you want me to sit with you when you call her for support yeh know i don't mind " i looked at the caring look he was giving me if only i could tell him how i feel "thanks Gee i would really appreciate it " " it's ok bobby your my friend and im happy to help" i laughed it was only him and the others that could get away with calling me bobby, i reached over and gave him a quick hug of thanks then got up to go get changed.

(no subject)

chapter 10

Frank's POV:

I woke up to find Bob and Gerard were already up as Bob was getting dressed by his bunk and i could see Gerard sitting at the table in the kitchen. Damm Bob has a nice arse, at that point he turned round and saw me staring and winked fucking tease. I climbed down from my bed and saw that Ray was now curled around Mikey who still looked ill but he was sleeping which was a good sign. I walked out to kitchen where Bob was now sitting with Gerard and was looking incredibly nervous "hey guys what's up " "not much Frank" gerard replied "well theres something bugging Bob ive never seen anyone so nervous" Bob didn't look up just kept running is fingers through his hair Gerard spoke for him " he's coming out to his parent's today and is worried about what they will think" i guess i must have looked like a gold fish as my mouth had formed and O shape but no sound had come out "Bob it'll be fine they'll understand" Bob looked up " but what if they don't what if they hate me i'll have no one left " i gave an understanding smile he was doing something that the rest of us would have to do eventually but i knew my mum wouldn't mind i think she had allway's suspected something wasn't completly normal about me as i had never brought home a girlfriend and Donna Way was a very lovely lady and would do anything for Gee and Mikey but Bob's parents could be a bit old fashioned at times "Bob im sure everything will be ok and you will allways have us we're your friends through thick and thin" i reassured him but he still didn't look convinced.
Oh i had forgotten about Mikey i had to tell Gerard about last night "Gee last night when i went to bed i couldn't sleep so i sat with Ray whilst he looked after Mikey but then Mikey started shaking and crying and then he sat up and screamed and before we could stop him he had run into the bathroom and was throwing up again we found him on the bathroom Ray carried him back to his bed and Mikey started burning up we think he has a fever we tried to get him to sleep but he couldn't he kept begging Ray to make it go away saying his stomach was hurting he was crying is eyes out and he didn't stop until Ray had lay down next to him and held him till he fell asleep he really isn't well Gerard Ray was so scared that he was going to loose him" i could see the shock in Gerard's eyes "Gee it's ok he just needed sleep i was only telling you what happened calm down" i saw relief spread over his face and went back to drinking his coffee.

2 hours later :

Bob's POV:

It was time to call my mum, it was time she knew. Everyone but Gerard had gone out to give me some privacy but he had remained as promised to give me support i picked up the phone and put it on loud speaker it gave a couple of rings before my mum answered
"hello"
"hey mum"
"oh hello Robert how are you"
"mum call me Bob and im okay i just need to tell you something"
"your birth name is Robert so that is what i call you, so what is it you want to say"
"umm well i realised a while ago but i didn't want to admit it to myself let alone anyone else but umm im gay"
i heard a gasp from my mum. Gerard placed his hand on my knee to show he was with me
"gay what do you meen you gay "
" im gay mum ya know homosexual i like men "
" yes i know that but no son of mine is gay"
" b..but mum please listen"
"NO!! Bob i no longer think of you as my son i disown you completly your a useless freak a complete and utter freak don't ever come near me again no son of mine is a faggot i'll send your stuff to your destination don't ever come back here or contact me again".
I cried heavely as i heard the phone click when she hung up on me " she hate's me Gee she doesn't love ive got no one left i don't know what to do tell me what to do please help me Gee she thinks im a freak " i cried falling onto the floor and crying into the side of the sofa " Bob im so sorry im so so sorry i wish i could change it but i can't you still have us we are you family we'll look after you well collect your stuff and send it to mine and Mikeys you can live with us if you want its no trouble" i cried harder my friends were so kind but i still wished my family would except me for who i am " Gerard im really really sorry im such a waste of space im just getting in the way here throughing a fit just cause my mum doesn't love me i'll go you won't have to see me again im just a stupid fag like mum said" i got up to leave only to be pulled back and to feel soft lips pressed gently against mine, i pulled back in shock was i dreaming did Gerard Way just kiss me or did i imagine it "Bob you are not a stupid fag you are not useless you have every right to be upset but for not just for theese few seconds shut the fuck up and kiss me " and with that he pulled me into a passionate kiss "i love you Bob i allways have i allways will" i giggled like a girl "i love you to GeeBear" and we continued kissing only to be interupted by the others bundling through the door.